October 03, 2002

If I could think of a title for this I'd use it; since I can't, I don't.

During the last few months, after Cindy died, I have been very bad in maintaining correspondence with my friends. My friends, even if I sometimes neglect them, are among the most important entities in my life and I feel very guilty about my lack of communication. So in order to assuage my conscience I have decided to start this web log and invite my friends to visit it if they're so inclined, so any time you wonder how your friend Emilio is doing visit here and Goddess willing you'll find some information. This does not mean that we will not keep corresponding privately, please e-mail me any time you desire and I shall respond, eventually.

Not that I REALLY feel guilty; I have worked long and hard � don�t laugh, I CAN work long and hard, and Goddess knows that too many times in my life I have � to rid myself of that artificial, pernicious feeling, the only purpose of which is to control the behavior of the victims. It's just a feeling that neglecting my friends is unskillful behavior; not the sort of thing that my self-image requires.

Self-image! That's another snare for the unwary. When you have dumped external masters you still have to deal with yourself. But once you become aware of the traps your self-image places in your path it becomes easier to re-write your character.

My natural laziness is taking over my life increasingly. Sitting at my desk and lying in my bed I can see through glass sliding doors the forest that surrounds my house and I like to look at the soothing green and let my mind wander. Sometimes I may even not be thinking of anything... Does this mean that I have attained enlightenment? Hardly! But it is pleasant, and relaxed and peaceful. There is blessed silence in the area, which suits me well. I sometimes long for periods of sensory deprivation: no sound, no light, etc.; a little like the three monkeys covering their eyes, their ears and their mouth, but beyond that.

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